


A Tear Stained Set of Pages

by Zayroen



Series: The Journals of Camfael Am [3]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Cataclysim, Crying, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Gen, Heartbreaking, Implied Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 21:43:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zayroen/pseuds/Zayroen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of the Cataclysim, hearts are torn and a yawning emptiness is left in it's place.</p><p>~It’s so hard to write…my witting keeps looping off the page. I should be resting but I have to do this, despite the burning pain on my back. I have to pour the pain out into the book for I fear I will go mad with despair.~</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tear Stained Set of Pages

**Author's Note:**

> Still no beta but I think I got at least the majority of any mistakes. Can we just claim any others are from emotional duress?

This is an excerpt from the journals of one Camfael Am, Sin’dorei hunter.

[i]The page is stained with some sort of water, perhaps tears and the writing deviates from the normal style. It is shaky and of uneven size, signifying some sort of emotional turmoil[/i]

Gone, he is gone! How can he be gone? I keep expecting to wake up one moment as if from some horrible dream and have him there! Alive and whole and most likely making fun of my fears. But he’s [i]gone[/i]! ~The writing here has been smudged with water to much to read~

I need to order my thoughts as best I can before attempting to write. I am messing up the pages. 

It all started when Jonoka gave me my new string of beads for my hair. Astoria noticed it and there was an awkward conversation about me meeting with my old lover. That was when things…got messy. I had hoped we would meet for dinner that night but he did not show up. Not that night, or the next, or the one after. I went to look for him and it took all my diplomatic skill to get the information that Astoria had been sent to the Barrens.

Why had he not sent me a letter? I had no idea where he was! So of course I went after him! I had to know if…if he no longer wished to be with me. I told myself to stop being so silly. My lover was a knight after all and got sent out often. He could have just not had time, or perhaps the letter had been lost. With this in mind, I went out after him.

I spent days, long hard days traveling from base to base, requesting then demanding to know. But what could I say? That I was his lover? I knew that could cause problems and I had already caused enough by seeing my old lover. The last thing I wanted to do was make him even angrier with me. So I just kept at it, I was so sure I would eventually find him.

It had been a week or so before I caved and called upon my old friends. Some of the goblins remembered me and, for a price of course, did some searching themselves and pointed me towards a secluded base in the Southern Barrens. So I traveled there and that’s where everything went all to hell. 

I don’t remember much of what happened. I was traveling south when the ground began to shake again. I ignored it, it had been happening often after all but then…then it got worse and worse! It was horrifying! It stumbled and grabbed onto an outcropping of rock to keep my feet and then I heard the most [i]terrible[/i] sound. The ground itself wrenched apart under my feet and the rock I was holding onto suddenly became burning to the touch. I stumbled away from it, ending up crawling with the way the ground was bucking and then the ground in front of me just opened up and I tumbled down and…and…I’m rambling again. 

It’s so hard to write…my witting keeps looping off the page. I should be resting but I have to do this, despite the burning pain on my back. I have to pour the pain out into the book for I fear I will go mad with despair.

I tumbled down, the air was so hot it hurt to inhale and everything I touched hurt me so terribly. I think I blacked out and when I next woke up, I was here in this tent. A group of knights had found me; they said I was lucky they could reach me. I had fallen into the rent in the land and luckily landed on a ledge. But I was burnt badly on my back. They were sure I would die and I wish I had! It hurts so [i]badly[/i]! Not the physical wounds, those ache and I cannot lay any way comfortably or sleep or eat but they will heal in time. What hurts is…knowing I’ve lost him! 

I’m rambling again, I think it might be what they gave me for the pain but it doesn’t touch the ache deep inside that threatens to tear me apart. When I woke up, I asked about Astoria, I remembered what his squad was and I asked about the Southern base and that’s when they told me. The base had been right where the rift had torn down. They had been going to check on those men themselves but there was nothing left. 

Aiya the pain only grows! They think me asleep and cannot hear, but I can! They talk about me now, just outside the tent. I knew my kind have always been caught up in the physical aspect of things but it never occurred to me that my wounds would matter that much. They say how beautiful I am, used to be. My back will forever be scarred from the heated air that melted rocks. It crawls across the backs of my shoulders and down towards my one side. Would Tori really spurn me for it? He might…we never exchanged words of love thought they trembled on my lips more then once. Foolish me! Everyone I love has died! I should have not gotten near Astoria, I am like a curse. Bad luck follows me around like a shroud!

[i]Nothing left![/i] Astoria…my sweet Tori was gone! That damned dragon stole him from me! I can only hope he went quick and did not suffer but I will never know. Just like I will never know the answer to any to the questions I have.

I will never know if he was angry with me. If he would forgive me for whatever it was I had done. I will never see him again, never see the way his hair caught the light when he walked. Never see the way his face lit up with a smile when I made him laugh. Oh his laugh! His laugh was always so warm and bright and…and he is gone. 

I just cannot believe that he is truly gone, I keep expecting him to come in through the flap of the tent, that worried look on his face as he comes towards me, reaching out to stroke my hair but he will not! Because he is dead! He is dead and I never got to tell him! He never knew how much he mattered to me, how happy I was to see him! I….I love him. I did not realize how much until he was gone. My heart aches so much, like a burning brand has been thrust through my chest. I cannot breathe without imagining I can smell his scent, taste him on my tongue on the air like some serpent.

~The next section is to damaged to read, smudges and ink splotches cover the page~

I need to…to sleep; I need to forget this pain. Perhaps I will dream of my Tori and he will be alive and for a time this bitter pain that threatens to make me loose myself will fade even for a time. Perhaps when I am more conscious I will attempt to re-write this, I fear I make no sense.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a few months now since my last entry, I find it so hard to focus but I force myself now. I cannot bear to attempt re-writing the previous entry so it will stay the pained rambles it is. Astoria is indeed gone. For weeks afterwards I held out hope that he might surface somehow but there has been no sign of that entire squad. My love is gone, burnt to death in the firey wake of Deathwing. That’s what happened, the dragon burst free and reigned down death on the land. He claimed many lives that day, including my Tori’s…and my own. I still breathe but I am not alive. I eat only enough to keep me alive and spend all my time sitting at our fountain staring at the water. My fellow rangers have attempted to comfort me but I do not want their pity, it grates on my nerves and so they have finally left me be. It is…endearing I suppose how there is always one watching over me, thinking I do not know they are there. 

My companions stay with me, Takk seems to feel my sadness keenly and it warms my heart how he always presses against me. I wonder if he misses Astoria as well, my lover always brought a treat for the raptor. Oh I wish I had not thought of that, a happier time and damnation! I am crying again! I will stop writing now before I ruin more pages.

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh..Camfael you little shit, I always get really sad when I re-read this!


End file.
